Yeah, I am pretty happy about that. Considering I was on vacation last week and I’ve been bat-shit-crazy stressed this week, I think a modest loss rocks. Hard core.

My only disappointment is my lack of exercise this week. I have a lot of excuses for not getting to the gym. None of them involve zombies, and thus are not blog-worthy.

Tomorrow I need to shop for pants. I have several pairs that are still too small, and several pairs that are now too big. The pair I wore to a seminar yesterday hang around my hips; I can easily pull them on and off without unbuttoning or unzipping them.  All of the capri pants that I was wearing at the start of the summer are baggy, and it’s getting cooler and I will look like an idiot wearing capris up until Halloween.

So, I am staking out bars near the mall so I can get my drink on before I have to wrestle into new jeans in a dressing room.

And, 10 a.m. is not too early for cocktails if I’m shopping for jeans, right? I know breakfast cocktails are in order before trying on swimsuits.

Nude is beautiful. Just not on the furniture, please and thanks.

There was a meme all over Facebook this week about a woman who reportedly wrote a response to a bulletin posted at a gym. I  do not know if any of this is true, so the journalist in me resisted posting it to my wall.

Also, many of the memes included a nude photo of French model Tara Lynn (pictured here) sitting in a wicker chair. While she is certainly beautiful and I appreciate tasteful nudity, I don’t like naked people on furniture. It’s an phobia I have about ass-matter-transfer, one of the multitude of reasons I would never be comfortable at a nudist colony, and totally not relevant to this discussion.

Any old hoo, this is the text of the meme:

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

OK. There’s a lot going on in that meme, and it has generated a lot of discussion.

For some, it’s been eye-opening that beauty does come in all shapes and sizes.  

For others, this seems to say that it’s OK to be obese, no matter what the consequences to your health. (I follow this blogger on Twitter and she’s smart and funny. I totally get where she’s going here.)

My take, for what it’s worth, is this: If some staffer at a gym really posted that flyer, it’s a condescending way to isolate and shame women and it sends the wrong message. In other words, that person is a douche.

Women should not be shamed into fitness because of their appearance, ever. This is not a way to incentivize exercise, at least it’s not for me. The horrific memories of school gym classes come flooding back and that is one of the reasons I’ve always felt like I don’t belong in a fitness facility. Every gym teacher I ever had was Sue Sylvester. True story.

But I am trying to convince myself now that I do belong. I remind myself that I do not swim to look prettier in my swimsuit. I swim, despite all the cellulite jutting out for the world to see, to improve my health.

To the woman who wrote the response that has now been tweeted and liked around the Internet, I am almost there with you. Whales are not overweight and they are certainly not unattractive. They are powerful, graceful and fit. Mermaids are not real and certainly not aspirational. I want to enjoy food, drinks and ice cream, too. I want to embrace my curves. But I also know that too much “cultivation” is going to kill me.

If losing weight has the side benefit of looking better, then that’s great. But the goal for me is to alleviate my arthritis pain and help my mobility. My current weight is impeding my career and my personal life. I have no illusions that I will ever be thin or look like the images in magazines, which are totally unrealistic and, frankly, unattractive.

Fifteen years ago, I was fit and active. I walked more than 20 miles a week and had no problems with blood sugar, blood pressure, cholesterol etc.

Still, I was 40 pounds over the weight I am supposed to be for my height.

Tara Lynn (with clothes) is gorgeous and curvy. And a size 12, from what I've read.

I have always had a round ass and chunky thighs, and no matter how much shame is shoved down my throat, I always will be curvy. I was not OK with that when I was younger. I loathed the way I looked and those body images haunt me to this day. It’s part of the reason that, as I became older and less active, I piled on so much weight — I found comfort in food that eased the pain of never feeling pretty enough.

People who do not have emotional issues with food will never understand that statement. Those who do know exactly what I mean.

This, to me, would normally be a chicken wings, pizza and beer day. But since I am trying to chisel some of the flab off my fat ass, I am planning something equally as tasty but not nearly as ass-widening as wings and pizza.

I make some killer salsa. Fat free, full of flavor and loaded with all those antioxidants that kick the shit out of cancer. Paired with a few chips (this stuff is so good we scoop a boatload of salsa into every Tostitos scoop) it is much better for my thighs than deep fried chicken rolled in butter and hot sauce.

Allow me to illustrate:

First I roast some Anaheim peppers and some tomatillos, which look like little green tomatoes, and they are in the same family as tomatoes, but are actually a type of gooseberry. I shit you not. They are covered in this sticky outer husk that is easy to peel off, and you want to give them a little rinse before roasting. I put the peppers and the tomatillos in the oven on broil for a few minutes until the skins darken and they become soft.

Then I dice a green pepper and some cilantro leaves. I love cilantro. I love the scent and the fresh taste. But some people can’t tolerate cilantro, it can make them gag. I read somewhere that it’s in your DNA code whether you will be a fan of cilantro or not. I don’t know if that’s a scientific fact, but I love it and I warn people of any recipe I put it in just in case they are in the anti-cilantro camp. And if you live in the no-cilantro camp, by all means omit it.

Next I chop up a couple of shallots and a couple of cloves of garlic. Shallots are like little baby red onions and to me, they are sweeter and have a milder flavor than their full-sized cousins. There’s a ton of flavor going on in this salsa, so I like to use shallots. You can just rough chop the shallots� and garlic (be sure to peel off the inedible skins from both. That papery stuff is not good eats.) Be quick about it if you are like me and your eyes tend to get weepy from a strong onion aroma.

Then I slice a fresh jalapeno. Now, if you like heat, leave in the ribs and the seeds. If you do not, take them out. I leave some in cause I like a little heat. Be sure to scrub your hands thoroughly with soap and hot water when you are done chopping any hot pepper because, hear this voice of experience, you will feel the pain of a thousand flaming spears in your eyes if you touch them before getting the capsaicin, the compound that makes peppers hot, off your hands.

And Ceiling Cat and Baby Jeebus help you if you use the bathroom before scrubbing.

Next step is to take the tomatillos and the peppers out of the oven, let them cool a few minutes, and remove the stems and the skin from the peppers. It peels right off after roasting. I leave in some of the seeds on the Anaheims cause I like their mild heat, but I take out the biggest cluster cause that’s just too many seeds.� Toss all it into the food processor with the shallots, garlic, green bell peppers and cilantro. Send the whole thing around for a quick whirl on puree. I don’t like it too soupy, so I only puree it for about five seconds.

Now, open a can of fire-roasted, diced tomatoes. The fire-roasting adds amazing flavor and if you get them already diced you have saved yourself a step. Could you fire-roast your own tomatoes? Sure. But the canned is really good and available all year round and I’d like to see the game sometime today so I use the can.

The dressing for this salsa is fresh lime juice. Don’t use the sweetened Rose’s lime juice intended to make margaritas. Just slice open one fresh lime and squeeze it over the salsa. The trick to getting citrus fruit to give up the juice is to roll it around applying gentle pressure before you slice it. Works like a charm. Add a dash of salt and mix it all up. Taste it.

Too hot? Add more tomatoes or bell peppers to dilute it. And remember next time to remove more seeds and veins from the hot peppers or omit the jalapeno all together. Not enough heat? You could mince up another jalapeno, or if you are very daring, mince up a Scotch bonnet (a.k.a. habenero) and you will set your mouth on fire.

Serve with Tostitos scoops. They make the best vessel to deliver the most salsa to your mouth per dip.

By the way, the best way to cool a tongue flaming from capsaicin? Milk. Seriously. There’s a scientific explanation of enzymes binding with proteins or whatever, but trust me, it works. Beer, water or soda willonly make matters worse.

Next up? My honey-bourbon chicken is for what I hope to be a victory dinner for the Colts.