If you can find the bitch that loves Starbucks more than me, point her out because she and I should be besties.

A Starbucks a day, however,  is a great way to rack up a lot of calories and fat grams and spend a lot of money if you happen to like the sweet foofy drinks like I do.  I seldom drink black coffee.

This is a way to help reduce the calories and the cost.

Every week I buy a box of Starbucks VIA Iced Caramel coffee packets (the same ones I raged about because the nutritional label is bullshit) and every two weeks or so I buy a small jug of CoffeeMate Cafe Latte (I have a small fridge in my office.)

The iced instant coffee is 100 calories for a 16 ounce serving. I get in a little cardio shaking the holy hell out of the grinds with some cold water (bonus: the caramel makes my office smell like a candy factory), then I pour the mixture over ice and add a dash of the Cafe Latte. Mix well.

Viola. I have a venti-size iced caramel latte for about 135 calories, which is less calories than a grande-size Skinny Caramel Macchiato.  I didn’t have to drive out of my way to get it either, so I arrive at work earlier and I can enjoy it while I have my Greek yogurt and berries.

The box of five packets of VIA sells for $5.95, and the jug of creamer sells for $2.79 and lasts at least a couple of weeks. That brings the price of my refreshing morning eye-opener to less than $1.50 per serving, which is about $4 less than it costs if the barista made it for me. (Add in another buck saved because I always tip my baristas.)

I am slowly weaning myself off the creamer, using less of it every day, because it does contain some stuff that I would like to eliminate from my diet.  So eventually this concoction should cost less in fat, calories and coins.

Come to mama.

On top of trying to eat healtheir – depsite my endless chocolate cupcake cravings – and scraping a few minutes out of each day for exercise, I’ve been mad crazy busy at work.

A couple of special projects is all it takes to fuck up an otherwise manageable work load.

So yesterday I needed to mail a bunch of stuff – because I am the official stuff-mailer in my office – and I needed boxes. Specifically, I needed some absolutely-have-to-be-there-overnight boxes. So I went to the FedEx store, which used to be Kinkos way back in the day, to get my supplies.

Another surly FedEx employee

And I made the mistake of asking the dude that works there if he had any more large boxes, since all I could find in the mailing supply station was the small ones.

As he rounds the counter to get the size I needed, dude proceeds to remind me, loudly and in front of a bunch of other customers,  that I could order these supplies online and have them delivered to my office.

Never one to react well to a public scolding, I told him that would have required forethought and planning, and apparently he’s never been to my office and doesn’t know how WE roll.

Customers laughed. Dude shot me a dirty look.

Now, possibly he meant to just point out that it would be more convenient for ME if the supplies were delivered to my office. Except he did it while I was inconveniencing HIM by asking him to get me something I needed so I could overpay for shipping with his company.

So I took this as a personal attack.

Yeah, I know I could be more organized in my life, I could be more proactive and think ahead and blah, blah, blah.  I’m sure FedEx dude has all his ducks in a row and never runs out of anything.  But professionally, I run on the fumes in the tank. My head bobs merrily along just above water.

And I shouldn’t have to take shit from purple-polo-shirt-wearing FedEx dude because of my failure to accurately inventory my shipping supplies.

Also, when FedEx delivers boxes and sticky envelopes and waybills to my office, are they going to bring me a tall Starbucks non-fat, no-whip white chocolate mocha like I can get for myself across the street from the FedEx store? No, I don’t think so.

So excuse me for going out of my way to fetch my own boxes and java, Assholio.

Like I said, I may just be a wee bit sensitive lately.  I blame the cupcake cravings.

I took my lunch to work, a Healthy Choice chicken & rice dish vaguely disguised to taste like something with some kind of pseudo-Asian sauce. I had two of these Jello mousse-pudding cups – awesome, fat-free and 60 calories, score!

Then I had to deal with the IDIOTS at the service department where I leased my car, the JACKASSES that took in my car on Saturday morning and told us they wouldn’t even touch it until Monday, the same LYING BASTARDS that then actually performed the service on Saturday but then NEVER CALLED to say it was done, the very same MORONS that left my car sitting on their lot all weekend and all day today and still NEVER CALLED to tell me it was ready, the identical DIMWITS that never returned my two phone calls during the day asking when my car would be ready, and the same GINORMOUS TWATBURGERS that charged me $89 for an oil change.

And you know me and my lack of coping skills.

So off to Starbucks I go.

But I did order a skinny vanilla latte, even though the sweet, tempting voice in the drive-thru box tempted me greatly with the offer of a caramel brulee latte.

So I had that going for me.

Then I came home and had a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner and could not possibly make myself go back out in the sub-freezing temperature to hit the gym.

There’s always tomorrow.

Let’s just say that for the last four years with my current employer, my holiday season revolves around one specific project, and that project sucks all the life and joy out of me.

So that’s going to be my primary excuse for not posting here all week. That and the fact that I am ashamed at how much bad food I’ve eaten this week. So ashamed that I am contemplating hiding the bathroom scale.

My preferred hiding spot: The recycle center.

Here’s the part where I whine that it’s just sooooo haaaaaard to eat right when you are so busy at work you can barely breathe and it’s also the holiday season when fabulously fattening food is practically stalking you.

Wah, wah, wah.

I know very well that with a little planning I could be eating better. I know that if I absolutely have to have that Caramel Brulee latte from Starbucks (and I really do HAVE TO HAVE it) I could at least order it with non-fat milk.

I could order a Happy Meal if McDonald’s is my only lunch option.

I know all this. But that’s the thing about weight loss. What you know (as an educated person with a triple digit IQ) to be true just doesn’t always make the conversion to appropriate behavior.

And with every passing day, I keep hoping my boss won’t ask me why I am wearing jeans to work every day. Because the answer is that none of my pants fit anymore.

She may draw the line if I start showing up in my sweats. Please let her draw that line.

Didn’t do well with food: I had a salad for lunch (good); Chinese food for dinner (bad) and yogurt-covered pretzels for dessert (jury’s out on that one, depends on how many more I eat.) Don’t judge me.

I also had a Starbucks caramel brulee latte and, Oscar Mayer Goosefeathers, it was a warm cup of comfort and joy and awesomeness. Aaaaaand I forgot to order it non-fat. Not to mention decaf. Don’t. Judge.

OK, you can judge. Look- something shiny!

I got my hairs floofed. And colored. See:

Good day. Tomorrow? The gym. Dah dah dum.