I am getting a brand new bionic knee two weeks from today. In just a mere 14 days, the knee cap and joint I was born with will be in a medical waste bag. I won’t miss it a bit. It’s been a real bitch to me the last few years.
I will have then have a piece of technology attached to my muscles that should let me walk, stand, even sleep without pain.
Except it’s going to be really, really, really painful after surgery, or so I am told. Mr. Vicodin will be my new BFF while I learn to walk again.
I am excited and scared out of my scattered little mind.
First of all, I am in manageable pain now. It hurts all the time, but if I don’t move too much and take lots of painkillers, then I can bear it. However, not moving and counting the calories in Tramadol tablets into my daily allowance is not a good lifestyle choice for me. So I have to endure intense pain, much worse than I feel now, before I can live a life without chronic pain.
This is some kind of sick joke, right?
Second, hospitals are not my favorite places. I pretty much hate everything about hospitals — the constant checks of vital signs, the tubes, the humiliation of things like bedpans. I’ve had some awful experiences in hospitals, more than I’ve had good ones. And one of the worst happened at the hospital where I am going.
Third, I had a dream last night that I got a post-surgical infection and they amputated my right leg below the knee. That shit, while highly unlikely, happens. Also? Years ago, I had a former boss who died in the hospital of a post-surgical blood clot. That shit happens.
Fourth, I am told the physical therapy for a total knee replacement is particularly brutal.
So yeah, I am a little apprehensive. I could barely sleep last night, tossing and turning due to nightmares and soreness in my knee. Couldn’t make it into work this morning. I let “The Today Show” and sheer exhaustion lull me to sleep for about an hour, but that’s all the rest my knee would give me.
Since then I’ve been laying around, watching cooking shows and reading. I can’t seem to concentrate on much of anything. I am supposed to be walking in Manhattan in less than 90 days for BlogHer 12. I want to stroll Central Park. I want to wander Broadway and Times Square. I want to see my online friends live and in person.
I want to walk without pain.
But I have to get through a lot more pain before I get there.
Fourteen days. I am scared shitless.
