Downscaling.net

I am a little slow, so forgive me for just now, on Jan. 20, announcing my New Year’s resolution:

I resolve to become high maintenance this year.

I made a good start today. I went to see a counselor that I will refer to as Ms. Shrink. We chatted for almost an hour. I am wary of the fact that she’s an evangelical (I don’t usually mix well with that crowd) but she seems like a nice lady and talking to her was easy. Besides, if I dismiss her out of hand because of her beliefs and lifestyle, would I not be committing the type of hypocrisy my crowd accuses her crowd of doing? Yes, I think so.

Besides, Ms. Shrink thinks I have self-esteem issues. So obviously she’s a good judge of character.

Yesterday, someone I consider a friend was having a rough day. In the course of doing my job, I annoyed him. He then got very passive-aggressive with me, and I swear it would have hurt me less if he had punched me in the face. Instead of just blowing it off as him having the type of bad day we all have at times, I internalized it as proof that I am worthless, that I can’t do anything right, and that I am a failure as a friend and a manager. I cried like a little bitch.

I don’t blame my friend (OK, I did for a while, but now I have a little perspective.) I blame myself for my lack of coping skills and my inability to react in an appropriate manner. I can’t control other people. But I need Ms. Shrink (or someone like her) to help me learn to control my emotions when faced with conflict and to get my self-esteem to a place where a bump in the emotional road doesn’t wreck my day.

So, after taking a time off work to see Ms. Shrink, I went to work for a while. Then I left early to get a manicure and pedicure that I’ve rescheduled a bazillion times since Thanksgiving.

See where I am going here? I am putting my mental, emotional and physical health as a priority. Sure, to meet all my deadlines I will have to work all day Sunday, but it’s worth it to have a few stolen moments of relaxation and therapy today.

Tomorrow is my only day off this weekend. Besides the normal chores I have to do to keep my house running smoothly, I am going to the gym. Because that is something I will do just for me– for my health– emotionally, mentally and physically. Then I am going shopping for nothing in particular. Then I am going to read a book.

I have decided that 2012 is my year that I become high maintenance, and I started today.