Downscaling.net

My shrink suggested last week that I get a copy of “The Self-Esteem Workbook” so I could master the skills needed to reduce my anxiety and depression by boosting my self worth. Sounds reasonable.

I got the book today and I see her again tomorrow, and the book’s not very long so I thought, “No biggie. I crammed a whole semester of coursework in a single weekend back in college. I can finish this whole book tonight, see the shrink tomorrow, get an A+ and be on my merry, newly high-esteemed way.”

Then, on page two, it says you can’t hurry through this book. You have to slowly master each skill.

Well, fuck me running.

It also listed 18 “symptoms” of low self-esteem. I hit 15 of 18 of those nails squarely on the head; the other three were big misses. I am not promiscuos, I don;’t abuse my husband or grown daughter, and, ironically, I would have to be a low achiever to get a perfect score.

Shit. I can’t even excel at feeling worthless.

Anyway, I am not sure I really need to keep seeing the shrink because this Abilify that costs more than two months of car payments is really helping with the depression. I am getting up in the morning without feeling sluggish and drained; I am getting a lot of shit done at work without shedding a single tear and I even got the wild idea to clean out my closet and get it organized.

So maybe the only mental health I really need is from a bottle at $15 a pill. Except I was sorely tempted to kick a store manager square in the balls yesterday (long story but he totally had it coming.) I guess that could still be a little anxiety issue. Maybe I could count that as covering the abuse part of the self-esteem test and now I am only missing two.

I am a little concerned that I am developing an obsession with shopping. Packages keep arriving in the mail that I barely recall ordering. All of it necessary and none of it expensive. There’s this self-esteem book, of course, and a new voice recorder with earphone and noise-canceling microphone that I totally need for work. And I am expecting two new coats I snagged from Macy’s online at HUGE discounts. And that doesn’t even factor in all the new costume jewelry, scented candles and cosmetics I’ve bought in the last two weeks.

OK. so maybe we could count all the shopping around as promiscuous and then I only have one more to check off the list. I have to start slacking at work. Now excuse me while I go wreck my newly organized closet.