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I have a bad knee. It wasn’t always bad. At one time it kept my upper leg nicely attached to my lower leg, moved in the correct direction when it was supposed to move, supported my weight.

All the things a good knee should do.

Then one day seven years ago, I fell off a ladder, and that’s when my knee went bad. I shredded the cartilage that kept the knee moving smoothly, and it all had to be sucked out because I had rendered it useless and painful.

Now my upper leg bone and my lower leg bone just rub together, without the aid of the nice soft bone to keep everything where it’s supposed to be. Many days it aches. Yesterday was one of those days.

As I rambled around getting ready for work, my knee and my lower back were screaming. This was really shitty timing, because I had a holiday party to cater at my office and my final photo class. I had been mentally preparing for this most terrible day of the year, and my knee decided to say “Fuck it. It’s cold outside and I am not cooperating. Take a seat, bitch, cause I ain’t going nowhere.”

But I was not going to be deterred.

I basically told my knee to suck it up. I was going to get through this long-assed day, hauling heavy packs of bottled water and trays of hot food to my co-workers and listening to hours of ridiculous drivel in my photo class and BAM! All bad mojo that has hung over my head like a dark cloud for weeks would be gone and I could finally relax and enjoy the rest of this year.

So I hobble around all day, got all the food where it was supposed to be for the day shift party, met all my deadlines and was headed out to get more food for the night shift when my knee said, “WTF did I tell you this morning, bitch? DENIED.”

And then it crumpled under my considerable girth and brought me crashing down to the pavement outside my office building.

Um, OUCH.

After crying like a hysterical girl, I scraped myself off the sidewalk and, with help from a heroic co-worker, hauled my fat ass back into the building. Then I got to embarrass myself in front of untold number of people explaining why I was such a wreck.