I can’t read shit without my glasses.
What really sucks is that I need bifocals. I can see perfectly at a distance and do not need glasses to drive, but I cannot read anything or get anything into focus up close. But I am still in my mid-somethings and I refuse to get granny glasses just yet.
So I am constantly taking my glasses on an off. And I refuse to get one of those granny eyeglass holder necklaces. So my glasses make many rounds in and out of my purse.
Today, I tried a new strategy at the grocery store. I left my glasses in my purse and refused to take them out.
Sounds damn reckless, but hear me out on this.
The one thing point they pound into your brain at Weight Watchers meetings is that you HAVE to read the labels. Actually, they tell you not only to read the labels but take the numbers on the labels and run them through an elaborate algorithm that assigns the food a point value. It’s pretty mind boggling for people like me who hate math.
That’s why Weight Watchers sells you a handy calculator to do the math for you. Those folks find a way into your wallet no matter how tight your pants pockets are from your hefty hips and ass.
So for more than two years I have done more reading at the grocery store than I did in my college library. And all this is supposed to help me decide which box of processed crap is the best thing for me to buy according to an algebraic formula of calories, fat and fiber.
To supplement my label-reading list, I bought the book “Eat This, Not That” supermarket guide. It’s an illustrated guide to help dimwits like me choose the very best fake food loaded with unpronounceable preservatives.
But today, I filled my grocery cart without reading a damn word besides the big yellow sale signs. When I need glasses to read those I promise I will get the bifocals or surrender my driver’s license.
Now, does this mean I threw caution to the wind and tossed every box of tasty-yet-chemical-laden box, bag or can of highly advertised shit into my cart.
No, it does not.
It means I bought food that doesn’t need a label. Most of it doesn’t even need a package.
I bought apples, oranges, cucumbers, red potatoes, limes, lemons, bananas, mixed baby greens, cantaloupe, mushrooms, peppers, onions, beef, chicken, bread (from the bakery department) pasta (whole wheat with one chemical – riboflavin) and olives and roasted peppers from the antipasto bar.
It was fun. It’s all real food. It will all perish really quickly if I don’t do something with it. So I spent the about an hour slicing, dicing, parsing and preparing.
We can eat fresh food all week. No labels required.
This is hardly revolutionary. Which means to say that, while I am sure hot-hot-hottie Jamie Oliver would approve, it was not really inspired by his Food Revolution. Which, by the way, he’s filming within easy driving distance of my house because apparently people who live in Appalachia, like me, are the fat-fat-fatties of America.
Thanks for pointing that out, Oliver. I forgive you only because you are super cute and if I was single I’d tap that for sure. I know a few bloggers who would gladly let you feed them carrots naked. Call me and I’ll hook you up.
But I digress.
I just think that if my family eats real food, we will eat better. And lose weight. And look better. And be healthier.
It’s an experiment. I will let you know how it works out.
