Downscaling.net

I have started and stopped weight loss plans more times than I could possibly recall.  This week I wanted to make an official start: Back on the Weight Watchers model of tracking, planning and being acutely aware of every calorie consumed and every calorie burned.

And I’ve failed miserably at all of that.

Next best thing: Just try to do better. Try to eat less, make better choices when I do eat, move more. Not meticulously recording every bite, not counting every step, just doing better than getting my fat ass out of my chair only long enough to drive to McDonald’s for a #2, medium, no onions with a Diet Coke.

Today was a challenge. I did have a bowl of Special K for breakfast. Hoylier, my beloved hubby, left early for work. Daughter is shacking up at her latest boyfriend’s apartment 35 miles away. So I had to wrangle the dogs this morning, which is normally pretty easy but the temperature is sub-freezing and these mutts look at me like, “Uh, I’m not going out there.”

I had to push my 65-pound greyhound out the door in her pretty lavender flannel coat.

Once I got them crated, I had to stop at the world’s best grocery store to shop for an office party tomorrow. Nothing make me happier when I see that Sallie Mae deduction from my checking account than realizing I paid more than $20,000 for a journalism degree to be the one that plans office parties.

And by happier I do mean suicidal.

Any old hoo, I lost my gloves and earmuffs somewhere in the world’s greatest grocery store and even though it’s so cold I’d freeze my balls off if I had any, I was determined to haul all 14 bags into the office from my parking lot two blocks away. Sure, I could have pulled up in front of the building and dropped it all off then parked, but this would be more steps. And manually hauling shit. Exercise! In the cold! Feel those calories burn, baby!

With any luck, I would literally freeze my ass off.

I have no luck.

But I had healthy, low-fat sushi for lunch. By the middle of the afternoon, I was sore and my stomach hurt. Then when I cam home, and after feeding and tending to the dogs, I decided to go outside and take down the last of the Christmas decorations.

Because I am just that big of an idiot.

When I was done, I could not feel my fingers. I made a cup of hot chocolate to warm my bones. Contemplated adding liquor to the cocoa to warm my bones.

Didn’t do either. Ate a bowl of cereal laced with Advil and now I am in bed and miserable.

I hate these first days so much. I hate how hard this is. I hate that I always forget how hard it is.