Hello! Thanks for calling/dropping in/e-mailing!
I am currently failing to meet the expectations of others, but your endless, insatiable need IS important to me.
Rantings about my utter incompetence will burrow into my self esteem and be tattooed onto my psyche in the order they are received.
Please leave a message detailing exactly how much I suck or remain on the line and/or in my face and I will be with you as soon as possible.
