OK, so today could have been better. But it could have been worse, too.
At work, I got my ass chewed on – via e-mail – by a sanctimonious prick. Since I like to think of myself as a professional, I sent him back a polite reply. What I really want to say was pucker up and pick a cheek, phucker.
Since my smokin’ hot hubby and I are about to go on vacation, I decided to cheer myself up with a little retail therapy. As a fat woman, I should have known better. Cute clothes are hard to come by in my size. But I did find a couple of things at the overpriced fat-girl speciality store in the mall. You know the one. First initial is Lane, second one is Bryant.
As I was about to hand over too much hard-earned cash, this lady standing behind me, whom I had never seen before in my whole wacky life, asked me if I had one this chain’s mailer coupons. Well, no, I sure don’t. And she hands me a $25 coupon.
Damn, girlfriend! That’s the nicest thing a complete stranger has ever done for me. What a cool chick. I was so overcome with gratitude and shock, I thanked her about 300 times and told her she was the coolest damn person in this whole crazy cow town.
I should have invited her to come have a drink and be my new bestie.
But hey, it’s been a weird day, and I need no other reason than that to woof me down some waffle fries.
So then I wander through Macy’s on my way out of the mall and while I am browsing in the hefty honey section, I glance to the left and what do I see?
Way to market to your target audience, you assbags. I wouldn’t buy your delectably delightful chocolate if it was my antidote for poison. Pucker up and pick a cheek, you phuckers!
